Thursday, February 6, 2014

Kurba 3

This is in continuation of ‘Kurba 2’. If you have not read it already, please do so now. Otherwise, the following text may not make much sense.



The Kurba, i.e., the triangular cup covering the crotch, generally comes in black. The reason is it hides the throbbing motion that the kurba might experience sometimes. Though the milsumas are required to raise their gaze through a blabber in Naarco so as not to look/stare at the crotch of milsums, almost no milsuma would oblige. They cannot help themselves. Even though the crotch is covered with Kurba, they would still stare at it to see if it throbs or not. That is why the Kurbas are made in black which smoothens the throbs. Though it has many inconveniences like chafing at the loin and cutting the skin and wounding the place, raised humidity and temperature, etc., milsums are told that they should bear them in order to be pious and pass the test of Allie. Some fanatical milsums don’t even use the creams/lotions that lessen the trouble at the loin as they come in the way of enduring the test.



Maalsic countries are under-developed. Some of them are rich in some natural resources but they still cannot be classified as developed countries. Now a days Maalsickians have migrated to almost every non-maalsickian countries of the planet Wumma, particulary developed countries. Initially, as they were in less in numbers, they behaved just like indigenous people, i.e. they did not worry about Kurba, among other things. However these milsumas, in their new countries, find it hard to control their urges at the sight of the men with no ‘hair cover’. No need to say that almost all the molestation of men and boys that occur in developed countries are committed by migrant maalsickian women. Since a decade or so, as they have become a well-established community, they have started practicing more and more of maalsic practices. One important such practices is making milsums wear Kurba. Initially it is fanatical milsumas who made their men wear Kurba. Some men were even willing. Though children are terrified on its sight, they were proud to sport it in the streets. The un-willing milsums were made to fall in line with a few acid throwings over their crotches and many murders. Soon, it was a profusion of black Kurba everywhere. Currently, Maalsickians have become so bold that in some of the neighborhoods where they are in considerable numbers, they impose Kurba on indigenous men too if they do not want to be molested. They call these zones ‘Thavaraa’ [maalsic law] zones. Not all non-maalsic countries were indifferent to this erosion of their natural way of life. Some non-maalsic countries are debating to impose a ban on Kurba. Other non-maalsic countries have already banned its full version, but not able to enforce it in the streets. Some bold people are speaking about banning maalsi itself and rematriation of maalsickians to their original countries.



In maalsic countries themselves, ‘hair cover’ is practiced in many ways, ranging from a small cloth hung in front (that flutter in the air and make some eyes flutter) to the full Kurba, ie, the triangular cup. Some countries impose very strict full kurba, while some not. No need to say that, in maalsic countries, Kurba is compulsory on all men, whether maalsic or not. In some places, milsums can even come out of their houses without any ‘hair cover’ to buy vegetables and other such things from the saleswoman at the door/street. In these occasions, the saleswoman raises her gaze so as not to look at the crotch of her client out of courtesy and business necessity.



This entire hullabaloo has also affected some non-maalsic men in non-maalsic countries too. They become unease when surrounded by many women, particulary milsumas, who ogle the non-maalsic men’s crotch with such intensity. So, in order to have a feeling of protection, they try to hide their ‘hair’ in some way or other, for e.g. hanging their backpack in the front, wearing a sun-glass, holding a newspaper or a book or an umbrella in front, etc. Some very timid non-maalsic men have even a strapless stick-on Kurba ready in their bags, just in case, so that they can get ‘hair covered’ instantly, when necessary.

Friday, January 31, 2014

Kurba 2

This is in continuation of the post ‘Veil the Kurba’. You can say this is its second part. If you have not read it, please read it now.

‘Veil the Kurba’ is a result of an inter-planetary miscommunication. I just got the clarification with all the details. The change is brutal to say the least.

1. The people of Wumma (Wummians) does not wear any cloth. They just don’t see any need for it. They grow just as they were born, both Females and males, irrespective of their cults.

2. Kurba is not the hair cover as we know it. At least, it is not for covering the hair on the head. The ‘hair cover’ is what I misunderstood in the first part. It is an euphimistic expression to mean the covering the pubic hair along with the private part of the milsum. I totally mistook it to covering the hair on the head.

In the beginning all Maalsic Wummians (both females and males) were like non- Maalsic Wummians in the issue of covering their bodies, i.e., they don’t cover. It has just not occurred to them. They don’t need them.

The maalsickians are required to wage dihaaj on non-maalsickians and force them into maalsic cult. During these attacks, the women of attacked people are killed, at least for three days, their properties including men and children are enslaved. This booty is divided among dihaajimuns (milsumas wajing dihaaj). The Shayiya used to get 20% cut in this collection. She used to get for herself the most toolsome boy(s) in the booty.

The pull of booty and subsequent dihaaj made the the numbers of maalsickians grew day by day. As the number of dihaajimuns grew, their target also became bigger, there by resulting in bigger booty. Sharing the booty among themselves has now become a complex affair. Once, after the booty was shared, some milsums came to their messengeress Shayiya (kol), telling that she has missed the most toolsome boy. After verification, she found out it was true. The original dihaajimun who got that most toolsome boy was not at all happy to part with the enslaved boy. She has not even enjoyed him once. Even after a big exchange deal she was not happy to oblige to the messengeress. An implicit threat of sword only made her fall in line.

After each dihaaj expedition, the booty sharing, particularly that of enslaved boys, became a very tricky thing. However you try, it is not easy to allot the right boys to right dihaajimuns. The messengeress Shayiya (kol) had close companions who were with her right from the beginning. After Shayiya (kol) herself the order of priorty is them. These companions had their own companions in the next pecking order and so on.

Dihaajimuns can see the tools of the boy(s) in their share and others share. Some were happy and many were not. The general grumbling started. Some did not stop at grumbling. They came to messengeress (kol) herself and complained that their share is not as worthy of their contribution in dihaaj.

“I killed 9 enemies while she killed only 5, but she has got a boy with more toolsome than my boy”
“I have been dihaajing since 7 years while she is a new comer, see what we got, mine is 5 inches while hers is 6 inches”
“Mine is thin like pencil, her’s is thick like pen”
“mine is this tiny while hers is this long [showing the size with fingers]”
“For all I did, all I got is a tool as crooked as an L”
“She has not even killed a single enemy, she just collected arrows, now what she has got is a tool straight and long like an arrow.”
“almond sized balls and big potato sized balls”
And so on.

Complaints were endless. Shayiya (kol) tried her best to re-allot, which in turn resulted in more troubles. These issues came in the way of preparing and waging next dihaajs. She (kol) has to find a solution, very soon. She retired herself to a cave, took some narcotics and lost in comtemplation. She need to produce a new hiwa (a revelation from Allie). She thought, ‘if only we could hide those cursed crotches we can end all these troubles’. That was to be her revelation. She is going to produce it with a twist so as not invite antogonism from her followers. As usual she brought in Rifkaas (a derogatory term denoting non-maalsic persons) into the equation.

She came back to her congregation, got into a trance and blabbered Naarco 33:59.

Command your husbands, your sons, and yours boys you got in your share, to cover their hair when they come out. That would be better so that they are known as owned by Milsumas i.e., as respectable Milsum men, but not loose non-Maalsic men so as not to be annoyed by Maalsic women. And Allie is Ever Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Here the hair in question is pubic hair and it means to cover the men’s private part. Thus came the hair cover of milsums into being. The men in the maalsic control were made to wear a cover hiding their crotch which is called Kurba. Initially it was made of leaves. For some time, the issue seemed resolved. But not long. Within few days, same trouble broke out. Milsumas could still see the tool from sides. So they were asked to raise their gaze through a new blabber. But it was not higher enough. Sometimes, it was wind, which uncovered the tool. Sometimes it was the tool itself which got erect. Later they invented the cloth and stitched it into a slip. It also proved inadequate soon. But, before the death of Shayiya (kol), Milsumas had perfected a Kurba made of metal which does show nothing, never, neither the form, nor the size, not even when the tool is fully erect. It is a triangular cup worn with three ropes from its three ends. All went well for some time, till they came across some cases where very agile tool throbbing powerfully, when fully erect, to be let loose, there by pushing the Kurba up and down. Shayiya (kol) was dead then.

Let’s conclude this post here. Its first part is now abrogated. However, let’s keep it as an indication on how far we can go wrong in assuming.

Friday, January 10, 2014

Help Translate

Hi my dear readers,

If you appreciate my posts, if you can spare some time, please help me by translating them in Tamil and other languages.

If not the whole post, even few lines or paragraphs are welcome.

You can paste the translations as comments.

You please use ananimous email ids and pseudo names to comment.

Thanking in advance,
Univerbuddy.

Friday, December 6, 2013

Maalsic family 2

Visiting husbands

Milsuma has to treat all her husbands/ toolmates alike. They have to be provided for and housed in equal manner. They also have to be visited in equal times.

When milsuma has just 1 husband, she can stay with him 6 days. On 7th day, i.e.,Sunday, she has to compulsorily take break. In the first week of the first marriage, the Sunday break is exempted. On Sunday, it is better she does not stay home with her husband as per hunnoos (example of messengeress (kol)). Instead she may retire to a cave or Uqsom (place of collective prayer).

At 2 husbands, she has to visit them on alternate days, and break on 7th day.

At 3 husbands, she has to allocate one day per husband in two rotation, and break on 7th day.

At 4 husbands, she has to allocate one day per husband and break in 5th and 6th day in addition to mandatory 1 day break, as she cannot show partiality among her husbands.

At 5 husbands, she has to allocate one day per husband and break in 6th day in addition to mandatory 1 day break, as she cannot show partiality among her husbands.

At 6 husbands, she can again enjoy without any breaks beyond the mandatory 1 day break.

Milsumas don’t like the extra breaks after 3rd husband. Thus if they marry more, they try to marry another 3 together in 3 successive days.

The order of the visit is as per the order of marriage. The idea is to know where a particular Milsuma is sleeping in a particular day.

One night and one day is counted as a visit day. It starts from 6 PM of the current day and ends in 5 PM of the next day. Between 5-6PM is the transition. This is the time, new marriages takes place, so that visit days of previous husband is not violated.

You may think that Maalsic cult has answers to every intricacy. Milsumas and wolemas will claim just that with non-maalsis. But only when you go deeper, you will see lot of grey areas. Without faith in Allie, one will go crazy. However, for a non-maalsi, it is not easy to go deeper, as you are not at all welcome to explore as long as you are not converted to maalsic cult. There are simply too many barriers. In maalsic countries others are barely welcome. Language of their books and media is also a big barrier. Let me take you as far as possible in later posts.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Maalsic housing

This post has to be read with the previous post ‘Maalsic familiy’. Maalsic family has necessitated the origin of a system of housing development unique to Maalsic countries.

This system addresses the issues like the following:

-reducing the commute between residences of toolmates
-increasing the protection and safety of toolmates
-economising the expenses.

In addition to conventional options like BHK, 2BHK, 3BHK, etc, following are some of the customised housing packages in offer in Maalsic housing.

Cluster of six residences in a row. (for super rich milsumas)
Cluster of six apartments in the same floor. (for fairly rich milsumas)
Six bed room apartments (for middle class milsumas)
Apartment with a modulable bed room (This room can be modified to two to six bed rooms as and when new husbands are married. At the end of six husbands, the bed room will Iitterally be a bed room) + one intimate room. (for not so poor milsumas)

Thus milsumas can run to help the husbands in trouble. These housing projects also offer many security and surveillance systems like entry through electronic pin/key, digital imprint detection, monitoring the visitors with close circuit cameras, etc. The cluster owner can view the details and video records of the visitors and be sure of the protection of their toolmates and thereby her own honour.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Maalsic family

Milsumas can have up to 6 husbands (or toolmates). One toolmate per day is the justification for 6 toolmates. Allie is generous. Sunday is a holiday as milsuma needs break. Allie knows best. A rotation of visit is established as per the order of the marriage. The first husband gets the visit first day and so on. Skipping of the visit, changing the rotation, etc are not generally allowed. But with the permission from the husband(s) of the day(s), milsuma can change or skip. They can have an orgy in the same-bed with the permission from toolmates. For example, if two toolmates agree, orgy is for two days with two agreeing toolmates or for one day and a break on another day. However, if Milsuma have married brothers, which they can, they can not have them in the same time in the same bed.




The toolmates should be ideally housed separately. But if not affordable, they may be housed together, provided they have separate rooms. If this is also not affordable, they may be put in the same hall, provided the intimate activity is done in a special room with the toolmate of the day. But even if this is not afforable, they should forget about marrying milsums and instead buy as many enslaved Rifaaks (those who do not follow maalsi cult) men as they want and enjoy them in the same room. Allie is very lenient. In order to address the issues of commute among the houses of spouses, they have deviced a system of an ingenious housing which we will see in a separate post.



If a milsuma wants to get rid of (divorce) a husband, she can simply say ‘Kalaath’ (I get rid of you) to him 6 times. On the other hand, If a milsum wants to divorce his wife, he has to write a registered post with the word ‘Kulaath’ (you get rid of me) addressed to his wife as wells as a copy to the Wolema of the area. He has to send reminders through registered post at a month intervals. Even after 6 reminders, if he does not get reply, he is free to go free.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Another Wumma cult: Dickvey

Another Wumma cult: Dickvey


Dickvai is one of the sub-cults of Naidni which is the main cult of the majority people of the sub-continent found north of lowest mountain in the planet.

(I recall you that in planet Wumma, it is women who are dominant both in size and authority as in some living beings like Preying mantis, Spiders, etc. and men are weak)

One has to be born to dickvey parents to be a dickvai. Dickvey girls and women wear a mark called Maaman in their fronts extending on their noses. One does not know its significance but it resembles man’s private parts of balls and tool. Basic maaman is as below.



Dickvey men too wear a Maaman but it is called Maami. It roughly resembles women’s private part.



Ram is their holy animal. Ram’s urine is a purificatory and holy liquid. On some occasions, they take a sip of it and sprinkle it on their heads and also places like houses, offices etc. Ram’s droppings are also holy and have various uses.

Dickvey women wear a thread across their faces hung from their ears. This thread is called loonoop. On wearing it, they think they are twice born and thus special in relation to other people. A ceremony is conducted for girls at around the age of 9, some secret spells are whispered in their ears and the loonoop is hung. From then on they are required to wear it and renew it annually, for all ther life and they are very proud of it.